Faith not fear

Hebrews 11 starts with this statement, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." The NLT states it this way: "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."
Sometimes I feel this would be a more accurate statement about my faith: Now faith is something I hope to have, a conviction I do not seem to feel.
I just recovered from a moment of weeping before God as I recognize the fear I feel is stronger than my conviction to believe what God has promised.
Here are some of my observations from Hebrews 11:

• These men and women were not righteous when they had faith nor did they become miraculously righteous at the moment they had faith (Check out Genesis 12 & 20 for big messes Abraham created in moments where he demonstrated a lack of trust in God after his initial momentous step of faith).
• Abel, Noah, and others (Abraham in Romans 4 & Galatians) are mentioned to have received righteousness by faith or their actions were evidence of the righteousness they received by faith
• These men and women are said to have earned a good reputation but did nothing to earn righteousness or God's favor
• Many of them waited a lifetime to receive the promise God had given them; some died before receiving the promise
• One thing sets these men and women apart from their counterparts (Abel from Cain, Noah from the rest of the world, Abraham from his father and brothers or his nephew Lot): They believed what God promised them and acted based on that conviction

They believed God's promise and their life was consistent, acting on that conviction, giving evidence to their belief. 

This truth harmonizes with what I've been learning in Paul's letter to the Galatians and the Romans.  Abraham believed God's promise that he would give the land of Canaan to his descendants, meaning he would have a son, an heir, through whom he would have descendants to inherit this land. Abraham waited for God to fulfill his promise. He had moments where he believed God without doubt and moments where he tried to help God along. He waited until having a legitimate son and heir was no longer difficult: it was impossible. He was nearly dead before God fulfilled his promise and a son was born to Abraham through his wife Sarah. 

Paul teaches that Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness. It was Abraham's faith in God's promise that gained him righteousness. This righteousness was not something Abraham worked to develop in his own character; it was not a natural characteristic of his life. Abraham did not have faith in God because he was a good person, nor did he have favor with God because of that reason. 

God gave Abraham righteousness that was not his own, righteousness he did not earn or deserve: Jesus Christ's righteousness. The same is true for every man or woman mentioned in Hebrews 11: they received righteousness as a gift from God because they believed him.

NOTE: There is a crucial distinction between believing God and believing "in God". James 2:19 says that even the demons believe in one God and tremble with horror. The difference is whether you believe what God has revealed about himself: who he is, how he acts, what he promises...

The demons know that there is only one God but they don't accept his authority, his plans for the future, his right to rule and command their allegiance. They are in rebellion to the truth about God.

What is my belief like? Do I believe "in God" but prefer autonomy, the freedom to choose to live, act, and believe how I want? Or do I take him at his Word and believe every piece of what he has revealed to be true about himself?

Examples: 

1. Do I believe God when he states in his Word that he spoke all creation into being, that life and matter, existence, and science came from nothing through the power of his own words? Or do I believe in God and choose to search for answers to how life came about through scientific reason?
2. Do I believe God when he claims to be three-in-one person, the Triune God, equal unity, holiness, authority, and deity but unique in roles and responsibility? Do I believe Jesus is who he claims to be, Son of God, Messiah, Savior? Or do I believe in the existence of a man named Jesus who was a good person, a great teacher, and I am hoping for a Messiah/Savior who has yet to come? 
3. Do I believe God when he promises to discipline us for our "good" (Heb 12:10) and claims he can work all things (good, bad, horrible) together for our good (Rom 8:28) so that we will share in his holiness? Or do I believe in God but abandon any worship or obedience of him when life is painful, full of loss, and nothing like I wanted it to be?
4. Do I believe Jesus when he says that "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it" (Luke 9:24)? Do I believe God when he commands me to spend my life making disciples, baptizing and teaching in his name, and he promises to be with me always, wherever I go (Matt 28:19-20)? Or do I stay home where life is safe, comfortable, and familiar and I can grow in my faith while attending a church full of people who believe "in God" as well?
5. Do I believe God's promise that anyone who trusts and believes in Jesus Christ will "live even though he dies" and be in God's presence forever? Or do I anxiously try to avoid illness and death, holding onto people and possessions on earth for as many years as doctors and medicine and careful, healthy living can make possible?

Here is where my faith has failed:

• I dislike asking other people to partner financially with my family and give to support our needs. Do I not believe God has commanded I go?
• I fear the discomfort and strangeness of foreign fields: bugs, snakes, new foods, new languages, new allergens and old allergies, malaria, typhoid, giardia, etc.
• I fear the difficulty of finding foods I can safely eat without the availability of Vitamin Cottage, Whole Foods, and all the other stores that market towards the diet and vitamin supplements my immune system requires.
• I fear making ends meet when vitamins, essential oils, and gluten, dairy, and egg free ingredients are so expensive.
• I struggle with appearances, not appearing "worthy of my wages", pinching pennies and searching clearance racks to make it clear how much we need support or how well we are managing our finances-ultimately I fear people's opinions or approval more than God's. 
• I fear having no room for generosity when my source of income is dependent on other people's generosity. Is it not God's generosity that provides for my needs?
• I fear beautiful young foreigners throwing themselves at my husband, seeking his favor, tempting his pleasures.
• I fear men taking advantage of myself and my daughters, or women fondling my sons. I fear the sexual abuse and immorality that is rampant in our world. 
• I fear rape, torture, molestation, captivity, sickness, loneliness, barrenness, poor conditions, medical malpractice, and so much more...

Noah, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Rahab, and all the others had equally as many trials and temptations to fear. It was not the absence of difficulty that made their faith evident. It was not their belief "in God" that sustained them or protected them as they waited for God's promise. It was their belief that God could and would do the impossible to keep his promise to them; this faith led them to act, to follow God's commands despite such difficulties.

Hebrews 11 concludes with some not-so comforting descriptions of men and women who received righteousness by faith. "By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight. Women received their loved ones back again from death.
But others were tortured, refusing to turn from God in order to be set free. They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection.  Some were jeered at, and their backs were cut open with whips. Others were chained in prisons.  Some died by stoning, some were sawed in half, and others were killed with the sword. Some went about wearing skins of sheep and goats, destitute and oppressed and mistreated.  They were too good for this world, wandering over deserts and mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground. 

All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised.  For God had something better in mind for us, so that they would not reach perfection without us." (vs. 33-40)

So I ask myself the question again, Do I believe God's promises are true and that he will keep his promise no matter how much time elapses or what happens in the meantime?

Only my actions will tell....

God Provides

We learned from our accounting department last week that we have reached 51% of our monthly support pledges. Best part about the support pledges, so far, is that these dear people have begun to support our ministry NOW and each month their support accumulates toward our ministry launching funds. Others have donated special one-time gifts to the ministry launching fund. We have over 1/3 of the ministry launching fund accumulated and it is quickly approaching 50% as well. Praise God for his abundant provision.

We are also deeply grateful for the numerous times friends or family have given us a special gift for personal use. These gifts have met needs for printing and shipping ministry resources, meals on the road, hotel costs, gas, even our routine 3,000 mile oil changes. Yes, we have been on the road long enough to require an oil change every other month. Thank you for trusting God to provide and trusting us to use these resources wisely.

We are also blessed to have stayed with many hosts in cities across the US. We are so grateful for the ways you have lavished love on us: feeding us, allowing us to do laundry, treating us to activities and events, cleaning up after your house guests move on. Thank you for all the dollars you have saved in hotel costs. We have only spent one night in a motel in 12 weeks of travel. We have spent far less than necessary on food and groceries because of your generosity and hospitality. Thank you for taking care of the two of us like family. We love you all!

We feel like we are living among believers like Paul addressed in 2 Corinthians 9:6-15,

"Remember this—a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. 7 You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” 8 And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. 9 As the Scriptures say,

“They share freely and give generously to the poor.
Their good deeds will be remembered forever.”

10 For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you.
11 Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God. 12 So two good things will result from this ministry of giving—the needs of the believers in Jerusalem will be met, and they will joyfully express their thanks to God.
13 As a result of your ministry, they will give glory to God. For your generosity to them and to all believers will prove that you are obedient to the Good News of Christ. 14 And they will pray for you with deep affection because of the overflowing grace God has given to you. 15 Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words!"

Yes, we thank God for His gifts (you) too wonderful for words!

A Whirlwind of Events

February is almost over and I have a concession to make. Yes, a concession... I concede that I have writer's block. So many thought swirls through my head but how do you construct any sensible words to share with the world?
The best thought at the moment is to share with you how we have experienced God's presence in the last two months on the road.

• We left home to begin full-time partnership development December 27th, 2014. Today is February 27th, 2015. God has provided 48.72% of our support already. We are eager to see how quickly he will bring us to full support and send us to Ohio!
• Allison's dad wondered how we managed to begin our travels right at the time that gas prices dropped the lowest they have been in years. We thank God for reasoning with the oil merchants on our behalf. :o)
• We also noticed that God has arranged the weather to allow sunny days and clear roads for each of our major travel days! Touring the MidWest in January and February may seem a little crazy but we have experienced God's favor each step of the way. Last Friday, we left Bloomington while snow was flying, but it stopped before we had been on the road 5 minutes.
• We are constantly encouraged when we meet face to face with other believers and share the work God is doing in the world to bring the gospel to people who need Jesus. We love sharing our story of God's grace and his transformation in our lives. We are even more blessed to hear your stories of God's grace! My favorite moments are sitting around someone's kitchen table or living room and praying for one another. It is truly a blessing to communicate with God and intercede for each other.
• New Mexico highlights: Being in Albuquerque for a cousin's wedding, showing up at church on the same Sunday as a high school friend when he gave an update about ministry in Turkey, staying with hosts who have become like family, sharing the Lord's Supper with church family in Los Alamos (potluck style!)
• Calvary Bible College and Missions Emphasis Week: We loved the fellowship with all generations: missionary representatives (from all corners of the world and stages of life), college students, faculty and staff (preparing students to serve in their community and the world). It was a privilege to be counted among those who have given the majority of their lives to advance the gospel. It was an honor to challenge students to see every activity and every major decision as an opportunity for God to use their lives to advance the gospel.
• Missouri highlights: staying with my college mentor and fellow missionary representative, reconnecting with friends from Calvary, attending ODBC (Allison's MO home church), catching up with a young woman Allison mentored four years ago
• We have been so blessed to stay with family and friends across the country. We have had 7 families host us in the last two months. 
• Illinois highlights: watching toddlers learn to walk, "speaking" a tonal language with a 2 year old, helping my dad out on the family farm, 40 minutes of sharing our story and praying for God's work among the nations at a church in Bloomington, drinking hot chocolate and eating pizza without cow's milk!
• We recently learned about a non-profit, Corporate Angel Network, that organizes transportation for cancer patients so they can receive the best care possible.  Their motto: "Cancer patients fly free in empty seats on corporate jets."  Later that week, we were at a church where someone mentioned a coworker whose young son has cancer. What a blessing to share this information with a family who would greatly benefit from this service.  

We head out from Illinois next week to meet God on the third leg of our journey: Michigan, Wisconsin, Tennessee and beyond!