Changing Expectations

 How was your 2020 Thanksgiving celebration? Did you have the usual spread of turkey, stuffing, and casseroles and pies? Did your family gather in front of the television to watch football or a parade? 

   OR

Were you isolated from family and friends because of a shelter in place order? Did you play a pick up game of football in the front yard or watch a local parade from the inside of your car? Did you watch the livestream of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade on You Tube?

Our Thanksgiving traditions have changed a lot over the years, but this year was pretty unusual for me. Maybe it was the lack of colder weather or the fact that I went sugar free this year. Perhaps moving to another state in August set the stage for the unfamiliarity that made our plans seem uncertain this Thanksgiving. We thought about going on a weekend trip to Phoenix or Tucson. But in the end, we just stayed home like it was any other weekend (with a few extra days off work).

My new home has a wonderful kitchen and lots of electric appliances-some we brought and some we rent. The refrigerator, dishwasher, and stove are recent models, probably the same age as the house. We have enjoyed using the appliances. There is one drawback....

I react strongly to gas: natural gas or propane, diesel or jet, any petroleum product. Someone told me my symptoms sound like a migraine. So unless I want to be in bed for the day, I don't cook on the range that comes with our house. In fact, I asked the landlord to turn off the source of gas to the stove/oven completely.

How do you cook a turkey without an oven? Moreover, how do you cook any part of Thanksgiving dinner without an oven? We didn't. We grilled mesquite chicken. 

We managed to cook one pumpkin pie in our toaster oven (which is remarkable that a pie dish can fit inside). It was a little dry perhaps, but my family enjoyed the custard. 

Another blow to my celebration was the lack of extra people in my home. I love being home with my immediate family and I'm an introvert to boot. Still, I grew up with the tradition that family (no matter how much you fight with them) got together for holidays. Thanksgiving was the exception: my dad couldn't take time off to travel 12 hours to spend Thanksgiving with my grandparents. My mom found a way around that limitation: we adopted grandparents! We always invited our "adopted" grandpa or grandma over for Thanksgiving dinner. I loved those memories of special times with special people. It made living far away from family not so lonely. 

Later in my life, my mom's family all moved to the same town. We spent every holiday at my grandma's house making memories over a big meal and a game of Royal Rummy or Taboo. After my grandma passed away, my cousin rose to the occasion and began hosting our family holiday gatherings. I always made the mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving.

This year, I still made the mashed potatoes but I didn't need as many pounds of potatoes. 

I felt like my expectations of Thanksgiving were shaken because we didn't have family over (too far away to visit), we didn't eat turkey, and we didn't watch a parade. I didn't even eat pie because I used a recipe that called for ingredients I can't have. What made Thanksgiving a day that was different from any other Thursday? Was I really any more grateful that day or the month of November? Or was I feeling less grateful than other days because my expectations were unmet?

Another question was raised in my mind: what makes a specific day a holiday? Is it the traditions and the cultural expectations we meet? Is it the gifts or the people? the food or the activity?

What is holy about these days we call holidays? Do we give thanks to God more on Thanksgiving or celebrate the life of Jesus Christ more on Christmas? How do we emphasize the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ on Good Friday and Easter Sunday? How does our celebration become holy in the midst of the food, family, and festivities?

Is your holiday celebration more holy than the other days on the calendar? Does God's presence fill your mind and your interactions with others more on these holidays? I can't say that I see the distinction in my heart and mind; moreover, shouldn't every day look holy like this?

Our family is on the verge of another move. This move will place before us life change for which we have no way to fully prepare. We don't know what to expect! We are leaving the familiar and entering a new climate, new culture, new language, new government system, new way of life. How can we have appropriate expectations? What will we do when our expectations are not met?

God has been reminding me through the counsel of those whom he loves and who love him: my attitude matters more than my circumstances. What good are expectations that go unmet? What is worse? to have plans change and expectations be unmet? or to complain, pout, and grumble over some situation that didn't turn out how I wanted it to?

Joy is a choice that awaits me in the midst of unmet expectations. It is a choice to look beyond the immediate circumstance to the awaiting opportunities: opportunities that can pass by if my attitude is focused on what didn't happen instead of what could happen. Joy is choosing to delight in the Lord's presence in the "what is happening now" rather than "what should have happened".  Joy is choosing to delight in God's wisdom and and trust his authority over my life in each situation regardless of the circumstances I face.

Expectations. What were your expectations for this year? Have you changed your plans a few times since January? I think the rapidly changing situations we encountered this year have reminded me I need stability. I need something unchanging to cling to...

I need God.

In a world that is so uncertain, God has never changed. Neither have his plans for humanity and the world he created. From before time began, God's character was and remains stable and dependable. God has revealed himself to humanity clearly and consistently. He wrote his story and has preserved his words for thousands of years in one book, the Bible. His truth never changes and his loyal, faithful love never disappoints. I can trust the truth of God's Word and my expectations will always be met. How can I be this confident? Because God has proved his character throughout history, and he has kept every promise he has made (or will keep those that remain). The birth of Jesus Christ was promised thousands of years before it happened. All those who believed in God's promise of a Savior, a redeemer, the Messiah were not disappointed. Many died before they saw this promise fulfilled, but God still kept his word. Galatians 4:4 reads, "But when the fullness of the time came, God sent His Son," NASB or "But when the right time came, God sent his Son." NLT 

We are starting a new tradition this year to turn our Christmas focus toward our unchanging, faithful God and his son, Jesus. We are celebrating the names of Jesus, the ways his names reveal who he his and what he has done to show his love to us. We are making an Advent month paper chain. Every day we read a verse or passage of the Bible that explains one of the names given to Jesus. Some of the names we have learned this month are Immanuel "God with us" and Messiah "Anointed One". We read in John 4 a conversation where a woman is given the opportunity to find out who Jesus is. She mentions her people's hope in the promise of the Messiah.  "The woman said, “I know the Messiah is coming—the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” Then Jesus told her, “I am the Messiah!” John 4:25-26 NASB God kept his promise to send the Messiah who would crush the deceiver, Satan. Jesus kept that promise. God has also promised to rescue a broken world, groaning under the weight of sin. He will keep that promise too. 

I thank God for the truth I can cling to when my expectations of life in this broken world are disappointed, truth that hope in God will not disappoint me... ever. And hope that someday all the promises will be kept just like he has kept promises in the past. That is worth celebrating every day, no matter whether the feast is traditional or guests have arrived. Maybe I will learn how to celebrate the hope of the gospel in a tropical climate where it never snows and pine trees can't be found. It will still be a Christmas worth celebrating.

"Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:1-5

When life gets smelly

Something you may not know about Allison is she has some unusual reactions to smells. Those who grew up participating in theater with Allison may remember how her skin turned funny colors when painting sets for play scenes. 

How does this relate to moving overseas? In a letter from the allergist Allison saw last December, the doctor stated Allison should avoid all chemicals that cause irritation to her sinuses. (It felt like the letter was stating Allison should stop breathing.... then what?) In reality, life goes on whether you get a migraine, a sinus infection, or a dizzy spell just because you inhaled a chemical smell or fragrance right? 

One of the challenges our family is facing is how to cook without a gas stove. Once we move to a foreign country, we will no longer have the stable electricity that we have enjoyed in the United States. Will we be able to purchase an electric range and have it shipped to our host country (the country in which we will serve)? Propane gas (LP) is the normal means for fueling a stove/oven (or anything else) in these parts of the world. This was the first issue that Ethnos360 Aviation leadership posed when we investigated the possibility of working with this organization. After discussing the potential problems and solutions, the leadership stated, "we admire your faith in God to provide the solution to this problem and we will stand behind you as you walk forward to see how God will lead." We love the fact that our health challenges are not a deterrent to this team to welcome us and stand behind us. We love the truth that God is not daunted and this health challenge is not a surprise to him. Rather, this is an opportunity directly from the hand of God to teach us to depend on him for life and breath and to trust him as he leads us forward to obey his commands.

Flash forward to the present:
Housing on the Ethnos360 Aviation International Headquarters is provided (for rent) to all those in transition between fields. The women who arrange for housing contacted Allison in July to discuss the options for housing with or without an electric range. We chose housing without an electric range. While our current housing is the best possible situation for our family, it does have a gas stove. We requested the maintenance team turn off the gas to the range before we arrived in August.
We have been navigating how to cook without a stove or oven. We have the benefit in the US of using a variety of electric appliances (Instapot, toaster oven, electric kettle, even an electric burner), each of which can cook a portion of a meal or a whole meal. Not only have these appliances allowed Allison to feed our family without triggering a migraine; we also have enjoyed sharing our meals with others. 

We took the opportunity over Thanksgiving weekend to bake a pie in our toaster oven and make gingerbread cookies. We may only be able to fit four cookies in the toaster oven at one time so that makes baking time a lot longer.... I think our family is grateful for the options that exist to feed our family and even make some special treats.

We are choosing to trust the Lord for the next step in the journey: how to cook our meals using similar appliances when the electricity is 220V/50Hz (depending on the country 220V/60Hz or 127V/60Hz) and power may go out at unexpected moments!

Bloom in the desert

 I wanted to include a picture of the prettiest yellow flower that volunteered to bloom in our yard the first week we lived in McNeal, Arizona. Unfortunately, it died before I took the photo. I found a different flower. Even in a drought year there is still the possibility of flowers in the midst of barrenness. Anything else you see growing on the McNeal center is the result of diligent watering. Who knew you could have a beautiful grass lawn or a garden in the desert?

I feel like the contrast of bare dirt, patches of weeds (most of which poke and impale you), and flowers is a picture of my personal life. I have a lot of barrenness in my heart: places where what I chose to believe has led to attitudes and choices that display ugliness and death. But Jesus has begun the process of watering my heart with his truth. The more water I receive, the more growth can happen in my barren desert. 

There are so many areas of life that Jesus is watering in 2020. I think I've been feeling like ground that has been growing weeds so long it hurts to uproot these things. Some of the deepest roots shoot up and wave in the breeze during seasons of stress and transition. Our current career really creates the opportunity to grow some weeds! The past two years we have moved twice, spent every December and June through August living out of suitcases in someone else's home, and facing a variety of changes in family size and community. We have said so many goodbyes, made new friends, said goodbye again, and enjoyed reconnecting with friends from previous seasons. 

Kind women ask how my family is handling the transition. Not well is usually my answer. The kids are not sleeping soundly. No one is calm and well rested. Stress abounds as we hurry to get settled and unpacked, can't find what we had packed several months ago, wonder which state or home we left some possession in, try to figure out where to buy the foods we can eat (special allergies make life different every location), and adjust our expectations. 

If you have moved towns or states, you understand these realities. New doctors, new stores, new acronyms for state/government functions. Is it the DMV, MVD, or BMV that does car registration? We cling to the few things that remain a constant: God, his words in the Bible, our family of four, and creation. Even the necessities of life change in a move. Do you need pizza as a staple in your house? What about tamales? Do you use a public restroom that provides toilet paper or do you have to bring your own? Is clean (or any) water readily available or do you have to drill deep for a well?

How do you handle major life changes? Our family is learning how deeply we need God's word to be a part of every day. We need to remind ourselves of his presence and his promise to be with us wherever we go. We have to stop and read his Word or quote the part of the Bible we remember speaks to our sadness in the middle of the moments when we just don't like one more difficult thing to figure out.

This transition has been very difficult for our family. Among the temper tantrums, lack of green things, blistering heat, and new relationships, God continually reminds us that this is the place he wants our family to dwell. He placed us in a home that allows parents and children to have their own personal space when we get upset and need time to think or pray. He set us under leadership that reminds us through their words and their example of the privilege and expectation we have from God to "honor one another above yourselves." He provided indoor and outdoor means to allow our kids to let out their energy and stress through play. He provided us with mentors who have listening ears and hearts that have wrestled with God's word and responded in obedience over the years.

I think I grew up with the misconception that life was supposed to be comfortable and easy if you do the right thing. Unfortunately, I think this is one of the ways Satan has taken the truth of God and twisted it to a deceptive and attractive alternative. The best life is a content life that is dependent on the Creator God who gives us life itself-life abundant, life eternal, life complete. Contentment doesn't depend on our circumstances (how our day is going, whether we are where we wanted to be, whether our plans worked out or our goals were accomplished). Contentment is much more stable an attitude than worry because it is based on our God and his character; who he is and what he has and will accomplish does not change. 

Our God is dependable and he intends for us to depend on him. I have been reading through Deuteronomy about God's instructions to the Israelites. My two favorite things about this book are related: God reveals the reasons why he led Israel through the wilderness in chapters 5-8 and he gives reasons for various instructions for living in community. God is giving the Israelites a glimpse of how to accept and enjoy the life he has planned for them.

I am learning the secret of being content (Philippians 4:11-13) is God himself. God led the Israelites through a difficult experience that required trust and endurance. But this experience was purposeful and intentional. Read Deuteronomy 8:2-6 God did not design life to be bleak, empty, and full of strife. Neither did God design man to live independent of relationship with God himself or separate from other humans. Relationships are beautiful and rich, but here in our sin-twisted world, relationships are messy. Relationships require me to be crying out to God and seeking to let his power be at work in my life and his truth replace the lies. I am learning that the relationships I persevere in and continue to fight for are the most rewarding and valuable relationships I have. They teach me that what is easy is not what is most often best; they teach me to depend on God to accomplish the impossible and to adore how he can give grace when I am inadequate. Messy but humble and dependent on God-I choose relationships that will point out how much we all need God's gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, his grace and forgiveness. I want to learn to be content depending on God to change my barrenness. I choose to bloom in the desert. This is a daily choice and a long, costly commitment. 

There are plenty of things that could squelch the growth and beauty of a heart surrendered to depend on Jesus. But there is one thing that has become obvious in a month of living in the desert. All it takes is enough water to resurrect life. I'm heading to the living water and source of life (John 4:10-14): Jesus and his Words. 

Will you join me?