How to Raise Normal Kids
Will my kids be awkward and unfamiliar with "normal" culture? Will they feel resentment when neither this "home" nor that "home" feel like a place they belong? What will I model for them?
My reaction and my perspective about God will show through whatever face I'm trying to put on in front of my kids. What do I truly believe about God, his truth, and his control over the world and my life? Do I believe God is good in the midst of pain, grief, and loss? Do I believe he is in control even when I have no control over my circumstances or decisions that are made for me and my family? Do I believe that God is able to be both just (giving righteous judgment that is deserved) and gracious (giving undeserved pardon)? Do I trust God?
I've spent several years walking through life with people and listening as they process hurts and grief.
I've spent several years walking through life with people and listening as they process hurts and grief.
Often, I hear the words "I have trust issues". I think my perception of myself as a "pretty good person" or a Jesus follower fooled me. I have had the perception that I did not have trust issues; how false that perception has been. I have difficulty learning to trust anyone but myself.
The past eight or nine years of my relationship with my husband has really revealed some of my deepest, darkest places of fear and bitterness. Why do those whom you hope to trust most and hold closest to your heart become the source of so much distrust?
My personal journey of learning trust began in early childhood. There are things I experienced as a child I only recently revealed to my family. My parents never knew what I saw and heard at the age of six. Why did the adults present at this home not see and intervene?
Next, my parents separated when I was eleven. Their difficult marriage never seemed so painful to me as the act of ending the marriage, and with it, all my security. I struggled throughout my teen years with bitterness, questions, wondering why a Christian family would end up so broken and divided.
Did my parents cause my issues with trust? Did the other authority figures in my life who abandoned or betrayed me leave behind a wake of resentment towards authority? Have we all experienced being let down by someone we should have been able to trust?
Now I'm the one whose life is under scrutiny. My marriage, my ministry, my parenting lacks the very constant faithfulness I expected of the adults in my life. How do I handle this inconsistency? How do I face the brokenness in my own life and what issues my brokenness can cause in other people's hearts? Will those looking at my life find what they are looking for?
Will I cause "trust issues" in my family's hearts? Probably.
Do my kids see my life and my choices lining up consistently with what I say I believe or do my actions and reactions reveal there is a disconnect between what my heart truly believes and what my lips say I believe is truth?
I'm guilty of the disconnect, but I see hope in the fact that God's truth is unchanging and I am being changed by that truth. Every time God reveals a disconnect between what I know to be true and how my reactions portray my belief, I see God giving me an opportunity to accept His grace. I can choose to put aside what lie I was holding onto and replace it with the truth. I pray God will make His faithful and unchanging character visible in my life as I imitate how He has loved me.
This is the process Paul describes in many of his letters to churches: to put off the old self and put on the new self. The church we attended in Camdenton studied the book of Ephesians last year. Potter's House of Camdenton What I love about chapter 4 in Ephesians is the clear explanation of the process every person undergoes when they are transformed from what they believed and who they were to become a new person who has learned and is learning the truth about Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 4:17-24 is a passage that has been extremely helpful to me since I memorized it after college. The entire chapter (Ephesians 4 NLT) focuses on the need these followers of Jesus had (and we also have) to grow in maturity- to change from the broken people we were when we learned about Jesus Christ to become more like Him in how we think and act. Maturity that unites what we believe about Jesus with what our actions reveal is our deeply held habits or old convictions.
I'm guilty of the disconnect, but I see hope in the fact that God's truth is unchanging and I am being changed by that truth. Every time God reveals a disconnect between what I know to be true and how my reactions portray my belief, I see God giving me an opportunity to accept His grace. I can choose to put aside what lie I was holding onto and replace it with the truth. I pray God will make His faithful and unchanging character visible in my life as I imitate how He has loved me.
This is the process Paul describes in many of his letters to churches: to put off the old self and put on the new self. The church we attended in Camdenton studied the book of Ephesians last year. Potter's House of Camdenton What I love about chapter 4 in Ephesians is the clear explanation of the process every person undergoes when they are transformed from what they believed and who they were to become a new person who has learned and is learning the truth about Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 4:17-24 is a passage that has been extremely helpful to me since I memorized it after college. The entire chapter (Ephesians 4 NLT) focuses on the need these followers of Jesus had (and we also have) to grow in maturity- to change from the broken people we were when we learned about Jesus Christ to become more like Him in how we think and act. Maturity that unites what we believe about Jesus with what our actions reveal is our deeply held habits or old convictions.
I believe this is the root of the issues we all have with trust.
Broken people will break our trust, and trust takes a long time to rebuild when it has been broken. Time we often are unwilling to give those who have hurt us.
God gives us time to change; He also is the one at work changing the hearts of those who will surrender control of our lives to Him. See what Ephesians 4 says?
Ephesians 4:20-24, 30
20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.
30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
Another section of the Bible I memorized has encouraged me to accept the grace God is giving me to change one minute, one choice at a time. Philippians 2 verse 13 says,
"13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him."What an incredible promise! God Himself, the Creator of my life, is changing my life like that? Another versions says, God is giving me the will and the effort to do what pleases him. This is a dual effort. God is changing me as I let the Holy Spirit renew my thoughts and attitudes. I was created to be truly righteous and holy, to look like Jesus Christ when He lived on earth and to imitate how He believed and acted.
Jesus never caused "trust issues" because He did not choose to break trust with God or the people who knew Him. Don't mistake me: Jesus had plenty of people who were upset with things He did or said. People who hated Him and wanted to kill him (and did). But Jesus was always truthful and trustworthy. He never broke promises; He made promises that people didn't agree with but He was always acting with integrity. Nothing Jesus said or did caused people to be disappointed or have their expectations let down. (People made their own choices to set expectations of Jesus which were based on their own desires- desires that He never encouraged or promised to fulfill, but that's a whole different conversation.)
God has identified me as His own, guaranteeing I will be saved on the day of redemption when Jesus returns to claim me as His own, His loved one.
So what am I practically doing to join God in changing my life to become one of faithfulness and integrity? What am I doing to become someone my husband, my children, my coworkers, my friends can depend on?
First, I am reading about God and Jesus in the Bible every day so I can picture what a person with faithful character looks like. Second, I printed some verses from Romans 8, 2 Peter 1, and some Psalms to post on my wall in places where I spend a lot of time. One is at the kitchen sink; I do a lot of thinking and pondering life while standing at the kitchen sink..... The other prime location is in my bathroom. Amazing how this has filled my mind with more accurate thoughts about how the Holy Spirit can give me the ability to live in a way that pleases God and demonstrates trustworthiness. Third, I'm compiling a list of the character qualities in God that I want to imitate-character that shows He is worthy of our trust.
I am realizing it is not the fault of any authority figure in my life that I have "trust issues".
I am responsible to choose who and when and how I trust.
I am responsible to choose to trust God for who he is and how he has demonstrated faithful, trustworthy actions toward people since the beginning of time.
I am responsible to inform my mind and heart about God's character - to read and think about what the Bible says about God's character and what it records about his actions.
I am responsible to choose to believe what is truth and worthy of trust.
This is how I worship God.
