This past year, I have continued to learn a very important lesson. My future is not going to look like I expected or planned. My role in God's kingdom expansion is not going to look like I anticipated. Our four months of training last spring involved several transitions and interviews that were hard for me. My anxious and angry responses revealed I was not accepting God's control over my future. I was not responding with a submissive and respectful heart despite my efforts to have the outward appearance of obedience. I was willing to move forward without understanding what God was requiring of me, but I was not happy about it.
David and I struggled with taking another year to make our decision when we know how desperately the aviation team needs maintenance personnel overseas. We struggled with questions of whether the urgency of people dying without hearing the gospel required we move forward with a decision more quickly. Were we being selfish? The additional time we have spent making a decision about future ministry has been worth every minute. We are growing in faith, knowledge, patience, unity, and confidence in God's leading and his sovereignty. This decade, I am learning how to be ok with God's will and actually enjoy trusting in who God is and his promise to be with me whatever he calls me to do. David and I have also been learning how to approach God with our requests and show respect for his control over our future. Maybe I can explain it like this: when we train our children, we expect young children to obey our authority without questioning our direction first. In our parenting, David and I hope to establish the grace and permission for a respectful question to come after immediate obedience. We believe it is healthy for our daughter to understand why we make decisions and how to discern what choices are best. Ultimately, we need her to obey first and ask questions second for two reasons: we believe this demonstrates trust rather than resentment of our authority, and we know that there are instances in which slow responses could mean imminent or immediate danger.
When checking both ways before you cross the street, situations arise when you don't see what others see and you need to act quickly when warned by someone you trust. We know that there will be many opportunities for traffic, snakes, coconuts or any number of situations that will put our lives in danger if we do not see and avoid those dangers. Our responsibility is to watch for and warn our children of danger; if they obey our instruction quickly, dangers are no longer a threat to their lives. Disobedience creates a very different result. David and I realize we are the children learning to obey God's commands like our children are learning to trust and respect our authority. God directs our lives to provide what is best for us whether we see impending danger or understand why we need to "Move!" immediately. God also desires to train us to make wise decisions according to his wisdom; he is teaching us how to understand what really matters in life and how to value the things that have eternal value. This is counter cultural, foreign to our self-centered, temporal nature. We have also gained a lot of practice making significant decisions as a team rather than two individuals.
We are so grateful for the grace and patience God has shown us. We are confident that this journey is as much about our lives becoming a reflection of his glory as it is about the lives of those yet to hear God's truth in their own language. Thank you all for praying with us and trusting God to draw our hearts closer to his.
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